Have u try to like sum1 dat dun like u but ur fren? N ur fren too do like her/him. I thk most of us tried b4, or don’t? I do once, wen I was young, can be say dat time I don’t even sure wad is like n love, hu can make sure a young teenager, wen had learn the meaning of liking sum1 or loving sum1?
Dat year, I still remember fresh in my mind, coz dat year a lot had happen…
1st of all ,family crisis, not my father n mother but my aunt, uncle, cousin…arguing non stop, shouting ,crying……dats the time I start feeling ‘hate to be in tis house, feel like running away, I bcome very quite even at skol’
2nd, met with my primary skol best fren(cal her ‘X’ ba), but different ‘form’ so v use letter to communicate again……
3rd, I cut my hair short, use to keep long hair wen I was young coz of ballet clas, den wen I stop ballet hav to cut my hair but oni for 1 yr, which is the last yr of my pri skol my hair short, after dat I keep it long again, din nid long time for my hair to grow, dat yr on holiday all my fren wanted to cut n I join….
4th, met a guy in my clas, start to like him (Y)……
5th, very moody, even been mark b4, penalty n ‘hei ming dan’
6th. X’s fren like Y too, X accidently told her bout me, X’fren start calling me sum bad words after I cut my hair short, dat hair cut happen to make me look more pretty, dats wad my fren say……..
7th, my fren notice bout those words dey calling bout me, I was mad but dun feel like take any action however, X’s fren came to find me, try argue with me, but couldn’t start a fight (lucky) coz teacher pass by…..
8th, grandma pass away, feel like lose sumting but dun really feel sad coz im not so close with grandma, rarely see her….
9th, a stranger pretend to be Y cal me on phone, v start chatting a lot, at the end I noe he one of my guy fren’s cousin, forgot his name………
10th, Y told us, except me, he like my best fren (Z), Z n others try to keep tis in4 away frm me…..
Tis is all for dat year, the love story continue the following year….
Go back to skol, din noe bout Y n Z…after 1 month, Y’s fren kind a announce dat Y like Z, I was shock but pretend noting happen…Z cal me, she say sry for not telling me, I ask her she like Y or not, she couldn’t answer me but I noe wad is her answer, she worry I will be sad n don’t want to hurt my feeling so she did not take anymove, I felt guilty for tis, I lied, I told her I dun like him anymore, she should go ahead b with him, she happy im happy… Frm dat day, Y n Z start dating, I saw dem holding hand (I was behind dem), everytime my heart feel so pain looking at dem but I have to hide it… Dey had argument, I comfort her n try to giv suggestion/opinion, cheer her up, even I felt weird to be her counselor coz its hurting me, my feeling…I cried on phone with the stranger, he cheer me up,I forgot how many time I cried on phone hiding in my room, I oni remember, one day he grats me, coz my voice not dat sad n I stop crying bout Y anymore…dat day oni I realize I had let it go….Y n Z broke up not long after I’m fine…
But the whole story bout their break up I oni noe after few years later after I notice I had been a fool to like another guy….
Dat same year, 1 of my classmate told to me, C like me n want to noe wad is my answer, I was shy n coincidently recess time, I run away frm the clas to canteen… after dat I told my classmate is exam year tis yr maybe v tok bout it after the exam, my classmate say he hav a same idea too….den after the exam, no news frm him, dat time I start to like him ady after dat day I noe C like me, I start paying attention to him n found up he quite nice n dats it, I fall into another trap again… I really tot C like me coz he is kind a serious guy, I dun thk he wil play with realationship…after another year, on September, C give me a call, he told me he din tell any1 he like me, his fren toking nonsense oni, ask me not to believe dem…silly me, I still couldn’t help to like him even after the call…I’m so stupid, did not pull my leg off frm the ‘hole’….another year pass by, another exam year, one day on the bus, a fren told me, actually those guys fren I noe, including Y bet will I fall to tis trap, n wad u noe, I was a game of dem, a game of fun to fill up their boring time, I’m such a fool… couldn’t cry after noe bout tis bet, but feel I’m useless…later on, I oni found out bout Y n Z broke up coz Z found out dats is a game for dem oso, dey fool us one by one…but is juz me n Z fall into the trap, the other two fren, 1 is not interested for any relationship dat time, another is bcoz she more chicky, more alert den us….
2 guy I like, 2 guy is juz being a fool in their game…tis cause me lost faith in love… honestly my first love ended dat early, really bcoz of me wen I start not able to believe v can continue, wen v hav to separate to diff college, I chose another route to walk on, for my future….but I did had a good memory with him…however I lost myself for certain period, I did a huge mistake for my love life, I was regret to hurt dat guy, I felt sick n unbelievable I had be with him b4…those days with tis guy, I spent all my time to forget, but is still in my memory n remind me wen I was unaware…
Now with him, my third bf, n I hope to be the last, I noe I nid to be honest but not too honest, I start notice v nid a free space for myself, oni for myself, no one can enter, there is a lot I learn n a lot to be learn…but for now, I noe I told a lot ppl, one nid to hav faith in love, should not give up, but I had lost faith n giv up for few times, til now I stil couldn’t hav enuf faith in love, even I wan to believe a relationship can be ‘forever’ but I stil doubted…even I want to hav faith on him but I still thking he might go away one day, even I wan to hav faith but I still don’t, how many nites I thking nonsense, how many times I make him tell me he wont walk away, how many times I tell myself don’t thk too much juz believe, but still how many nites I woke up crying after having a dream he left me alone….
Elie drop by@ 8/23/2006
